Fansmut dot org
by Skysky
Summary: A humourous look at the Koneko bishounen finding some of the fan-written smut about them. (oneshot; rated for shounen-ai hints, KenOmi pairing, and some others mentioned)


**Notes:** Any fansmut.org URLs will NOT work! It's a concocted fic name, meant to be a parody take on fanfiction archives and fangirl written smut.   
  
This fic is silly, not mean to be serious. It's just a dumb little idea that flitted into my head while I was half-snoozing today.   
  
Shounen-ai references, oh yeah!   
  
Enjoy!   
  
Fansmut.org  
-----------   
  
"Ken-kun... You should come see this..."   
  
Awakening to the soft tones of his young lover was always such a treat to the brunet soccer player, who often lurked to sleep alongside the teen for that reason alone - well, not just _that_ reason _alone_, there were other extremely interesting pursuits that they tended to get up to while under the sheets. However, as Ken noted while his mind registered to the soft sunlight warming his features, hearing the often genki voice filled with a confusing sort of undertone was something he disliked hearing.   
  
Snapping awake, worry about the source of that confusion and for his lover bringing with it adrenaline to shake off the blissful sleep that had claimed him after their night of seductive activity, Ken sat up swiftly, clinging to the sheets that threatened to spill off the bed with the motion. Quickly noting that Omi wasn't curled up beside him, as was the usual for the waking moments that they shared, he wrapped the white linen around his waist hastily, looking around for his honey-haired lover.   
  
The younger assassin was sitting at the simple computer that was in his room, staring steadfastly at the screen. The colour had drained from his normally tanned face, and the often energetic and vibrant eyes looking more like the lifeless pools of a tide long gone out than the brilliant sea of beautiful blue he was known for. He looked at though he had seen a ghost, or some cruel image of the past returning to haunt him. To Ken, it was the worst sort of sight to be seen, enough to send his worry cascading over the edge into the abyss of unsettling horror.   
  
Off the bed and to his young boyfriend's side in a mere second, Ken put his arms around Omi, pulling him tightly back against him, as though to save him from the horrors of whatever was on the screen. "What is it, Omittchi?" he asked, his voice carrying both concern for the archer and anger towards whatever was upsetting the teen.   
  
Blinking, startled out of the shock of his discovery by the warm arms embracing him, Omi instinctively leaned back against Ken. Raising a shock-paled hand, he took up the mouse and click on an e-mail that had been sitting in his inbox upon awakening. Addressed as a part of a mailing list for homosexual people, something Omi had joined when he had originally had difficulty realising that he was male and loved a male (now something he simply kept posting to, giving status reports on the perfect relationship that had arisen with Ken after his problems had been dealt with), the e-mail held the most curious of contents:   
  
_Re: The fine line between gay literature and porn_ (a discussion that had been going on for some few days now)   
  
_ > Speaking of literature and porn, there are whole sites   
> devoted to things called slash and yaoi, which is   
> apparent tribute to all gay men? That's what I've heard  
> but never seen proof of. Anyone care to help explain?  
>   
> David "Pepper" James  
> - Keeper of Chad's hidden sexuality  
  
Yeah, "Pep", they're mostly run by fangirls. Usually   
it's fanfiction about their favourite couples, not   
cannon to shows or anything. Here, check out this link:  
  
http://www.fansmut.org/read.php?storyid=323659  
(*)  
  
That stuff is pure, hot, man-on-man action, written by   
fangirls. For being women, they're damn good at writing   
the sexual side of a male. And the guys they write   
about... get this: They actually exist. Four hot guys,   
all working in some Japanese flower place named Koneko.  
There's a whole category of stories based on this guys:   
  
http://www.fansmut.org/list.php?categoryid=379  
(**)   
  
Man, would I ever like to get a chance to visit THAT   
place. Not the fics, but the real place. Imagine, four   
hot men ready to take any flower-related order you want.   
Makes me want to purr, man.   
  
Henri  
- Keeper of... you'll have to come to bed to find out *wink*  
_   
Swallowing thickly, Ken stared at the message for a minute. "Are they referring to _our_ Koneko?" he managed to ask after a long moment. For a moment, he hoped that Omi wouldn't answer that, or would laugh it all off. After all, who would ever write a story about them? Four men running a shop of flowers... That wasn't really writing material, right? Right. And who said that they were ever gay?! Well, okay, he and Omi were a true exception to that uncertain statement. As Youji had once commented, few people could probably out-gay their intimacy. Still... none of the customers knew about it.   
  
Wait a second: The customers.   
  
Suddenly, it clicked in Ken's mind. The fangirls, who so often haunted the Koneko for glimpses at the bishounen employees of Koneko. They were evil enough, with their groping tendencies and obsessive behaviors, to write that sort of thing. Still, would anyone actually do that?   
  
To answer his lover's question, Omi brought up the original window that had been filling the screen. At the top of the screen was the URL for the category archive, as listed in the e-mail, followed by what seemed like an endless listing of stories. "Hai, it's our Koneko," he managed, staring with wide eyes at the story links that scrolled on and on and on.   
  
Stupefied at the truth behind the possibility of an actual archive of smutty stories revolving around the four Weiß assassins that posed as florists, Ken freed a hand to reach for the mouse, scrolling down the screen and reading, at times with horror, the story titles and descriptions. "_Lust and Soccer_? 'Youji secretly wants Ken, but Ken has an obsession with soccer that overpowers any chance the playboy has at his heart'?!"   
  
Nodding slowly, Omi read again the list, which had stunned him as it had Ken upon clicking the link. "Don't forget _The Icy Rod_," he commented weakly, reading off the description soon after. "'Aya proves to Ken that it can be fun to have a certain sort of cold stick shoved up the ass'." That one was followed by rather emphatic statements of it being something called 'PWP' and involved the 'AyaKen pairing' and 'lots of sex' to boot. It also had some 69 reviews submitted to it, if the listing was correct; apparently 'PWP' was popular.   
  
Stumbling back from the computer, Ken fell down on Omi's bed, shuddering. "Me and _Aya_? The ice princess? Me and _**Youji**_?! Mr. STD-of-the-week? Ewww! Eeew, ewewewew! _**YOUJI?!**_ Yuuuck!" He had a particular aversion to Youji and the concept of sexual relations with the far from abstinent playboy. The thought of getting involved with that blond, or even anyone but his Omi, was enough to make him shudder.   
  
About to shut the page, lest it traumatize his poor lover, Omi caught sight of something listed as being KenOmi and full of romance. Tilting his head curiously, he clicked on the link and glanced at the start of it. "Ano, wait..." he murmured, his attention caught. "Maybe it's not all evil?"   
  
Shuddering and brushing at his skin, as though to purge the thoughts of doing _anything_ with Youji, Ken eyed Omi. "Omittchi, how could that _not_ be evil?" he demanded. "Youji... and me... Ew! I'm going to carry around disinfectant with me and spray it on him just because some fangirl thought of putting me with that... Ew!" Again he twitched, scratching at his skin this time as though the thought had permanently dirtied him.   
  
Shaking his head softly, unable to stop the soft smile that arose from watching Ken's reaction, Omi reached over and took one tanned hand into his own, tugging on it gently. "Nothing with Youji-kun, I promise," he reassured the other, some of his shock wearing off at his secondary discovery.   
  
Shuddering one last time at even the mention of the playboy's name, Ken relented to the light tugging, allowing himself to be lead back to stare at the screen. "What is it?" he muttered, averting his eyes carefully in case somehow that evil mention of Youji in bed with Ken had made its way onto the screen regardless of his love's assurances.   
  
"Something about us," Omi replied, pointing at the story's disclaimers about the pairing and suchnot. "There seems to be a fangirl or two that have the right pairing in mind?"   
  
Reluctantly, Ken turned his full attention to the screen and read over what his lover pointed out. The look of pure horror faded from his eyes as he took in bits of a story that wasn't as horrible as the ew-ness of Youji.   
  
...   
  
Thirty minutes later, with Omi cradled on his lap and Ken sitting in the chair instead, they both finished reading the story. Finally closing the evil that had a potential back-link to the evil of... well, you get it by now, Ken tilted his head at Omi. "Eh, maybe you were right," he admitted. "It's not _all_ evil..."   
  
Smiling, Omi nodded and reached up to press a kiss to Ken's lips. "Actually, some it if could be quite inspiring," he murmured in his lover's ear, recalling some of the more sexual portions of the piece they're read together.   
  
Making a soft growl in the back of his throat, more of a sexual prowling noise than of anger, Ken grinned. "Could be," he echoed softly. Picking up his lover, he carried him over to the bed and put him gently down, following suit to lay beside him.   
  
"Shall we find out?"   
  
-owari-   
  
(*) Reference to: http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=323659   
  
A fic that my friends Ana and Gal wrote together, which is pretty much beautiful RanKen yaoi at its best. Fangirls should read.   
  
(**) Reference to: http://www.fanfiction.net/list.php?categoryid=379   
  
FF.net's category URL for Weiß Kreuz fanfiction. Let's face it, ff.net inspired a lot of writers to posting their fics, and this is my tribute to that site. While the story is funny, my tribute is serious thanks to ff.net and all the services they've offered (despite the NC-17 ban).   
  
  
  
Please note that I do NOT hate the YoujiKen pairing. It's quite the interesting pairing, actually. I just chose to use it as a Ken-disgust moment here because it was the first pairing that came to mind. Plus, I couldn't get the image of Ken trying to use disinfectant on Youji out of my mind.   
  
Thus ends my silly little fic. C&C/reviews are always appreciated. 


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